Something Besides Miserable
by bloodsoakedleather
Summary: "Ye could'a died out there today.  I thought ye were gonnae.  I thought I was gonnae have to watch ye die right in front of ma eyes and it scared the shite outta me."  Watching Juice stumble back through that minefield made Chibs realise something.  SLASH


**Disclaimer:** I do not own The Sons, nor do I want to because quite frankly, they scare me LOL! This is just for fun.

**SOMETHING BESIDES MISERABLE**

His head was pounding, his pulse was racing, his heart was thumping inside his chest and the hand that wasn't pressed against Juice's chest, holding him against the bathroom wall was so tightly fisted at his side that his nails were digging into his palm and it actually fucking hurt.

To say he was angry would be an understatement. He was fucking fuming. They'd lost a man today, very nearly two. Juice had been reckless, he'd staggered back across that field way too fucking fast, with no more concern for where we was putting his feet than if he'd been avoiding dog shite instead of fucking landmines. It was like he hadn't really cared if he got blown to fucking bits, and Chibs had an awful, sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, that he really hadn't.

"What the Hell was that today?" He snarled, shoving Juice even harder against the wall. "Another attempt tae swing from a tree?" He squeezed his eyes shut, remembering the night he'd found the boy desperately trying to hide the evidence of his failed suicide attempt. "Ye told me ye were okay." He hissed through gritted teeth, not really sure who he was more pissed at. Juice for lying to him or himself for believing him, for wanting to believe because he couldn't deal with the alternative.

He relaxed his grip watching Juice's shoulders slump.

"I am." The younger man said, with no real conviction. "I was just tryin' to make sure they were…" He sucked in a ragged breath and Chibs could see he was fighting back tears. "Kozic man…" He said, like it somehow explained everything, except it really didn't explain jack. "Shit."

Juice pushed past Chibs and hung his head, sobbing quietly. The Scot just stared at the back of his head for what seemed like forever until finally he couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"Jesus Christ. What's goin' on with ye boy, huh? Tell me."

He shook his head.

"I can't." He whimpered, unable to keep the sobs from wracking his body and with his hand resting gently on Juice's shoulder Chibs could feel every desperate tremor, every choked breath and every bit of pain like a knife twisting in his gut. He wanted so badly to help, to take the pain away, but he didn't know how.

He dug his fingers into Juice's shoulder and turned him round, his eyes searching the other man's for some kind of an answer, but all he saw was absolute, hopelessness and it fucking killed him.

"Fuck it." He mumbled under his breath and without thinking, he fisted his hands in Juice's vest and dragged him into something that resembled a kiss, no moans, no tongues or teeth, just a soft surprised gasp and a tentative brushing of lips against lips.

Juice pulled back, just a little, his face a mask of confusion.

"What…?"

"Don't ask, coz I don't fucking know. I just…" He took a deep breath to calm his jangled nerves, and pressed his forehead against the other mans. "Ye could'a died out there today. I thought ye were gonnae. I thought I was gonnae have to watch ye die right in front of ma fucking eyes and it scared the shite outta me coz I don't wannae lose ye Juice. I cannae lose ye."

His eyes were closed, he was shaking and struggling to catch his breath and his hands were still clutching fistfuls of Juices vest and he almost, almost didn't hear when Juice whispered.

"Chibs. Look at me."

Slowly, he lifted his head and opened his eyes, half afraid that he'd crossed the line and fucked everything up even worse than it already was, but then Juice pressed his lips against his and damn if it wasn't a real fucking kiss this time, hot and wet and needy and so fucking good that he couldn't keep from pushing forward until the wall stopped them and there was nowhere else to go, pressing his body against the other man's until they were both moaning and breathless.

"I don't know what the fuck I'm doing either." Juice mumbled shakily when they parted. "This is fucked up. But it feels good too and it's been so long since I felt anything besides fucking miserable and I know there's no way this is gonna last but I don't give a shit. I gotta hang on to it for as long as I can coz it's all I've fucking got."

Chibs didn't bother to ask why he thought it wouldn't last, he doubted he'd get a straight answer anyway, Juice wasn't ready for that yet, so instead, he just kissed him again. He was more determined now than ever that he was gonna fix this, he was gonna find out what it was that was hurting him and he was gonna end it. There was nothing he wouldn't do, nowhere he wouldn't go, no one he wouldn't kill for this man. There was no way in Hell he was giving Juice up without a fight, not now.

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><p><strong>Reviews appreciated<strong>


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